Piles of Papers

Apparently its May 1st already, and two more less than notable weeks have passed in the annals of my life. I keep pushing the boundaries of patience and tolerance with my thesis supervisors, and really, my own brain in not getting my thesis done. I have finally got an introduction more or less completed, but now am swamped in papers to read and past theses that in all honesty should have been read months ago, not looked at for the first time now.

The most annoying part of it all is that these bachelor level theses seem to be entirely self serving, and not really of any use beyond making an example of themselves to students, and the occasional reference to them in further BS theses. The two I have checked out from the department library were unopened until I got my hands on them after sitting there for a year already. I'm sure a number of the much older bachelors theses sitting in that library haven't had their pages exposed to the air since they were printed as well.

For now the room renovation has stopped mid demolition, with my rad pulled away from the wall and a tray collecting water from the furnace system as it pumps out excess, with no way for me to cap the old line and its unusual fittings. I'm left with stress building over sitting down to put the thesis together, and walls just waiting to absorb the brunt of that stress, but no justifiable time to go and take a prybar to those walls.

Exhausted

The eggs are scrambled. The noodle's cooked. The brain's fried. But my last exam ever for my undergrad degree is done and gone, and hopefully passed. But instead of being full of energy to go to Toronto, and get some things done around the house that have been a long time coming, I'm absolutely drained.

The miserable, cold weather sure isn't helping the situation, but its slowly shaping up for the long term I think. Hopefully by the time May rolls around when the Jays have their next discount game I won't have to wear a coat to the game and it will be easier to get some other people on board with the idea.

During my last exam yesterday, for the first time in the 6 years I've been on campus, some assclown pulled a fire alarm, forcing everyone in the building to drop their exams and saunter outside into the gusting wind, snow and rain. At the time I was absolutely pissed at the idiot, but then I came home only to look at the news and see the loose details coming out on yet another school shooting tragedy. Something about the animal killing of 32 people will quickly put a fire alarm inconvenience to get out of an exam in its place.

Once again some kid loses control of reality, whether you blame it on the 'system' failing to be there for him, or video games, or TV, the fact of the matter remains that if there isn't such easy access to guns, every disaffected youth out there can't go run out and grab himself a semi-automatic weapon to relieve some stress. Now instead 33 are dead, and there will likely be a series of copycat threats and attempts across North America like those that followed Columbine.

People will be living in a heightened state of anxiety on campuses for weeks to months to come fearing that their school will be added to somber lists with Columbine, Dawson College, and West Nickel Mines Amish School.

People kill people, easy access to guns just facilitates it in large volume mass-destruction. Its time that governments do something more serious about gun control, particularly those governments that fail to even restrict assault weapons.

Turning into a Plot: RedOx

Thanks to Steve for accurately depicting my flow model:

My final thesis presentation was yesterday, and given that I haven't started putting down my thesis on paper or on screen yet, it was a bit of a challenge to scramble everything together into a coherent, intelligent sounding presentation. Ultimately, I'm not sure that it ever did reach those goals, but its done and gone now. In theory, my undergrad will be done and gone in three and a half weeks, but I really don't see me having a fully edited copy of my thesis in by then, while still having managed to squeeze in some exam prep.

This evening the department is hosting its annual banquet for the 4th year students, and despite the fact that its a cash bar, I'm going to try to put on a happy face and see if I can't score myself at least some summer work around the school, while I decide what I want to do in terms of going on to a masters, or joining the real world.

Turning into a Plot

Its March; Gimme a Break

Snow days are spectacular events when they happen. A few days after the fact however, once your assignment and exam time-line for the following week gets all compressed; not so much. On the plus side, I'm done everything for 2 of my classes til exams. On the horizon though, 3 exams in a 24 hour period, 4 exams in 4 days. Under some circumstances I could probably have one of those deferred, but because the distance education office and registrars office seem to refuse to work together (a recurring theme with many of the University administrative services) I likely won't be able to do much about getting bent over and made a multiple-choice bubble colouring bitch.

But this week is over, and the weather is looking up. Forecast highs above freezing for the next week, and some rain in there to help melt the thick pack of grungy gray-white, pebble and car-part filled snow lining the streets.

Hopefully I'll manage to unwind this weekend, have a few beers, and help the girlfriend celebrate her birthday. Then next week I can resume the stress involved with grinding out my thesis before the 22nd, and hoping to hell that the government tax system gets its shit together soon so I can file my return and get some much needed cash returned to my needy student self. That's enough whining for now though.

Funny story for the day. I'm out picking up some gas, and running some other errands. I'm stopped at a traffic light, when this year or two old black Nissan Sentra pulls up to me with sports seat belts and after-market rims, and the sound system blasting out some modern hip-hop. I look at the driver, and there's this balding, greying, forty-five to fifty year old white guy droppin' more bombs than the bible's got psalms right along with his system. That, combined with the fact that it was warm enough for me to have the windows down and hear it all, made my day.

Lost in the Fog

I'm not dead, despite the best combined efforts of my thesis, course load and procrastination. The days seem to dissolve into one another and another week sneaks up almost completely unnoticed. The unfortunate part of it all is that none of the blur has been due to anything particularly exciting, just the mundane and monotonous assignments and reading, and requests for more and more lab work.

The mindless rushing around late this week lead to me tripping over my own books and putting a hand through a window pane in supporting my weight. Yet another item on the home reno 'to-do' list. That same list, combined with the sad state of my van, and lack of much of a bankroll right now has me thinking of resigning myself to a week long camping trip within a 5 hour drive, instead of a month long road trip out west in the spring. Its about time to start thinking about putting away money to buy out the house and get in some renters to help pay it off.

I've really nothing more productive to say. If you are/were ever a Police fan, I'll offer a reminder that they're reuniting for tonight's Grammys, and that you might want to watch that. If not, football's over and there should be some great TV on competing with said Grammys, so it should be a great night for channel surfing.

Goin' Off The Rails...

I've been annoyed lately with my sleep patterns. One night I can get into bed, nod off, and sleep until the next morning dead to the world, and completely forget any dreams I've had in that time. And then the next night I fall asleep quickly enough, but wake up 20 times through the night with a million different stresses on the mind, as well as the intermixed dream sleep that I tend to remember more vividly on those nights. After finally giving up on sleep, and getting to the day's trivial exercises, I'm still left with an uneasy feeling for hours.

Normally I'd be able to attribute differences in my sleep to some boozing, but that hasn't been the case much lately. The mind-racing sleep isn't anything that's new to me either, its been something that I've done since I was a kid, but not with the same frequency, and it was never as chaotic as it seems now. What I'd like is a big red e-stop button for my brain on those nights. Something to turn all the crap off, and let me just forget about things for a good night's sleep, and a holdover until morning when everything can come rushing back to me. Without the bonuses of a damaged liver, pounding head, and vomiting would be ideal.

Something tells me a winning lottery ticket, and a cereal box degree would take me a long way in finding that stop switch. For now a snow day, and some catch-up reading will have to suffice.